Tag Archives: Dealing

Dealing With the Grief of Autism

I am learning to cope with grief. It is not the normal sort of grief that we all tend to associate with the loss of a loved one. Though similar, it is grief from the perception of shattered dreams and hopes.

While I have never been directly affected by cataclysmic events, such as natural disasters or wars, I suspect the feeling of grief is the same. That is, people are faced with a seemingly hopeless situation which is beyond their control. I believe the process of recovery can be very difficult in these situations.

In my case, it is parenting an autistic child. I love my son, David, very much. I try to focus on the positives, but sometimes I am overwhelmed by the enormity of the task before me.

There is also guilt associated with my feelings of loss. That is, David is a wonderful child that deserves his fair share of my time and devotion. Because of his limitations, my efforts are devoted to aspects of his development that are not typical. That is, my strength and energies are devoted to finding specific ways around his disabilities rather than playing ordinary games and engaging in other age appropriate activities.

I also struggle with my environment. I know it may sound like I am whining. Perhaps I am whining, but our society is not built around our specific needs. I happen to be among those who believe that society cannot be built around every possible circumstance. I believe it is my duty to learn to cope with society rather than have society cope with me. As a parent of an autistic son, I believe I must find my own way through the fog. On occasion, I find comfort from kind words and understanding. Unfortunately, I sometimes find the misguided perceptions of others to be extremely hurtful.

After reading Dr. Charles Stanley’s book, “How to Cope with Adversity”, I am starting to see how I have responded negatively to adversity. He asserts that we can respond in two ways, positively or negatively. While I have found positives, I have also failed in some ways. I am learning to see the failures.

I suppose I agree with Dr. Stanley that adversity can be a gift, albeit not an easy gift to receive. By the way, I recommend this book to all parents of special needs children.

While wallowing in my pain, suffering and disappointment, I have not grown as a human being. I am now trying to recognize this adversity for what it is. I believe it is grief. Perhaps it is odd to say, but I suppose I am lucky to have experienced a similar grief in my life already. My mother suffered from hardening of the arteries which resulted in dementia. When she died, I felt very sad, but the grieving process had been in place for many years. I began grieving the loss of my mother when she began to show signs of severe mental deterioration.

Though similar, David’s story has hope. I see improvements as he gets older. In some ways, the grief has been for no good reason. That is, I have yet to see the full potential of this child. I will always have hope for him. But sadly, this is only part of the grieving process.

There is another form of grief that is very selfish. It is the loss of my own freedom. I am starting to realize that some of my grief has been manifested in my behavior towards others, which has made it even more difficult to cope. For example, some folks may not realize that having a special needs child can be extraordinarily confining. That is, parents and caregivers cannot simply take their children with them everywhere they go and we cannot just let them go outside to play. It is a process of learning to deal with the outside world, so it is limited. In our case, we struggle to do ordinary activities such as going to the store or to a restaurant. We have worked very hard to make these activities possible, but we usually go to places where the people know us and make some exception for certain eccentricities. Going to other otherwise normal places has been extraordinarily difficult for us. That is, we remain intensely aware of how our presence can affect those around us. Therefore, most of our recreational activities are through special needs organizations.

There are other elements of our lives that are affected. For example, because of the nature of David’s behaviors, I stay at home to help manage his care. While I am David’s father, I am starting to understand the concept of sacrificing my career, a concept that most mothers understand very well. I suppose that we are very fortunate that my wife has been successful in her career. I still feel the occasional sting from the comments of some folks who really have no idea. I am learning to accept and forgive the misunderstandings of those around me. However, I do have a full time job and it is to help my family. Nonetheless, I have my own misunderstandings about the world around me so I have no right to force my particular set of unusual circumstances into the sphere of ordinary perception.

There are many other ways in which we are negatively impacted, but I will go no further than to say that we need to move beyond heartbreak and find the positives in life.

Like many other parents of special needs kids, I am learning about David’s condition and the treatments that are available. I am learning to become an advocate for my son and to find whatever resources that may be available to him. This is another topic for another day, as it has not always been easy for me to accept outside resources. I have worked from home to create a small music publishing business that has become a source of great joy for me, integrating my passion for music with some of my professional skills. I am grateful for the potential opportunities that I am able to see from this new perspective that is adversity.

Meanwhile, I am struggling to find my way back. I am trying to accept this hand that we have been dealt though I have become extraordinarily sensitive to certain misunderstandings among those with whom I come into contact. It is most certainly my problem, not theirs. It is a process of learning to cope with the natural order of society and norms while living in a vacuum that is not part of the natural order. I suppose I am learning to live in two realities. The reality of human perception and the reality that I live every day.

Article written by Del Boland and distributed by permission of Del Boland and Blue Muse Publishing, a free online resource for songwriters, bands, and musicians.

Understanding the Range of Emotions When Dealing With Pet Loss

There are so many different emotions that go through your mind – and your heart – when dealing with the loss of a pet. In fact, the range can be so vast, that it can actually be confusing for some people. Everyone expects to feel sadness when they’ve just been dealt the blow of losing a pet. However, they often don’t expect to feel anger, frustration, confusion and anxiety that often come along with the sadness.

Pet loss can adversely affect how people operate day-to-day and how they deal with the grieving process. Pet loss can be as devastating as any other type of loss. Pets serve as faithful companions for their owners, and their passing can feel as horrible as losing a dear friend or family member.

Moreover, this rainbow of emotions that is experienced anytime a loss of this magnitude occurs is completely normal and part of the overall grief cycle. The anger and frustration exist because people cannot comprehend why the death occurred and how to work through the void left by the loss of their friend. Many pet owners invest so much in the way of time, resources, but most of all, love and friendship into their pets, that is can be hard to let go of one of the most important relationships they had with another living being.

And, depending on the level of spirituality a person has, they may have some unresolved questions and feelings about death in general, which can in turn make the pet loss that much harder to bear. Accepting these feelings as normal and facing them head-on, instead of burying them deep inside of one’s soul really is the only true way to work through the emotions that come along with the devastating loss of a pet.

Additionally, there are several other ways to work through this loss, including memorializing pets through a variety of means. Having an actual pet burial or pet cremation ceremony is one step in this process, allowing pet owners some opportunity for closure. Next, planning a pet memorial service, writing an online pet memorial and even creating a beautiful scrapbook full of photos for the many memories your pet left behind are all healthy methods of grieving that can help one accept the pet loss. These are all healthy ways of dealing with the grief of a pet loss. For those that don’t with loss of any kind very well, some counseling might help to resolve feelings about what has occurred; however, this is usually needed in extreme cases of grief and there are usually underlying issues in place in these situations.

Pet loss is a serious, devastating life event and working through the grief rather than suppressing it is critically important. It is no less significant than the loss suffered when losing a human loved one. Pet owners should allow themselves to experience all of the emotions associated with such a loss and depend on the support network around them, including family and close friends. Moreover, remembering the good times shared between owner and pet through the memorial process will also go a long way towards resolving any outstanding feelings about this loss and any previous losses suffered in life.

Colleen Mihelich
Owner, Peternity . . . honoring your pet for eternity
http://www.peternity.com
[email protected]
877-PET-PEACE

Dealing with losing a pet

Families really value their pets. They become more than pets in most cases. Pets are just like members of the family. This is why losing a pet can be so traumatic. In some situations pets are lost due to accident. Car accidents are normally responsible for these types of losses. Other pets die as a result of sickness.

These are some of the most difficult losses. Some families have a pet that dies naturally due to old age. Although this is a difficult loss, it is one of the easiest to understand. The different members of a family are affected by the loss of a pet. Each person should be allowed to grieve in their own way.

This is particularly difficult when there are children in the family. Children often do not understand why a pet is no longer around. In many households, children are the closest members to a pet. For this reason, parents must assist children through this process. Patience is the key factor when these losses are suffered.

Losing a pet often occurs unexpectedly. This presents a shocking situation to families. Single pet owners also have a struggle with this loss. There are useful techniques to address this situation when it occurs. Let’s take a look at ways to handle this type of pet loss.

Hold a memorial for your pet

Families often find that having a memorial ceremony for their pet is effective. This offers every member of the family a way to mourn together. It is also a time to really remember the things that you loved about your pet. A memorial is all about honoring the life of your pet and remembering the good times.

Purposely remember your pet

Some people think that remembering your pet is too painful. Whether you purposely do so or not, it is difficult not to think about your lost pet. So, instead of avoiding these memories, let them come naturally. This is a good tool for mourning this loss. Children often want to talk about their emotions related to the pet. Parents must be available for these conversations.

Discuss how the loss affects you

More than likely your pet played an instrumental role in your family. It had a relationship with each member individually. A healthy way to mourn your pet is to talk about it. Instead of outlawing this activity, allow it as a natural course in this loss. Some families set aside special times to discuss their pets.

Take time to mourn

Everyone mourns in a different and unique way. Some people are able to recover more easily than others. Allowing each person their time to mourn is wise. This may be an uncomfortable situation in some instances. Families also find this process quite sad. It is one of the healthy aspects to this loss and remembering your pet.

Consider a new pet

In time you should consider a new pet. Giving your love to a new pet will certainly take some time. It is possible to use your mourning process in this way. Some families immediately get a new pet. Others wait until everyone in the family is ready for this addition.

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Tips on Dealing With Sudden Pet Loss

Dealing with pet loss of any magnitude can be devastating, whether you have had your pet for two years or close to 20 years. It is impossible to compare which is worse – when your pet has a debilitating disease and you go through extensive vet visits and watch your pet suffer before passing away, or sudden unexpected pet loss resulting from an accident or unexpected illness.

Sudden pet loss is when your pet dies without warning, leaving you stunned, shocked and devastated. This kind of loss can feel like a punch in the stomach that takes months and months, and sometimes years, to heal. So how do you deal with a sudden pet loss and how long does the healing process take? Here are some tips to help you get through your difficult time:

* Allow yourself to grieve – no matter how long it takes you: Many people don’t understand that people grieve the loss of their pets much in the same way they do their human friends and family members. After all, pets are a part of the family and often provide a kind of unconditional love not found anywhere else. So when a sudden pet loss occurs, it is devastating because it feels like a member of the family just died. Therefore, it is important that you take as long as you need to grieve your loss and work through that grief.

* Ask for help in taking care of details from family and friends: Your family and friends often feel helpless because they want to help you and aren’t always sure what to do. There are certain details that must be tended to once you’ve lost your pet. If you find you are having trouble doing this and need assistance, asked a trusted family member or friend. They will be glad to assist you and you will be glad to have someone helping through the painful decisions you will likely have to make in the wake of your loss. You can either divvy up responsibilities or just ask them to be with you for the more difficult choices, such as choosing a pet urn if you’ve opted for cremation or picking out a pet grave marker if burial is what you want for your pet.

* Do a memorial of some sort for your pet: You can either opt for a full-fledged service or do something as simple as an online pet memorial service. Whichever option you choose, this is a great way to begin the process of healing while at the same time expressing the important role your pet played in your life. Do as much or as little as you are comfortable with, and remember that online memorials are one of the easiest ways to remember your pet. An online sentiment is also something that can be shared easily among loved one no matter where they might live.

Reconciling pet loss is a difficult and arduous process at best. Coming to terms with your grief is hugely important to help you get through the loss of your pet and move on to the point where you remember the good times you shared without all of the pain.

Colleen Mihelich
Owner, Peternity…honoring your pet for eternity
http://www.peternity.com
[email protected]
877-PET-PEACE

Dealing with the death of pet

When pets come to our life, we give our hearts to them. On their part, they provide us with some love also. But, at some point, whether we want to or not, we’ll come face to face with the death of a much loved pet. It may be an incredibly painful time, mainly for children who might not have a good grasp of what’s going on yet. When you do need to deal with the death of a house pet, the best thing to do would be to permit for some grief. Do not suppress any of the feelings that you could have because the pet had been an important element of your life and you are suffering from loss at the moment.

06/28/2011 Los Angeles, CA – Harold Fox recently needed to endure having to put his well-loved twelve year old weimaraner to sleep… “It had been gastric torsion, it had been his third time, and by then the doctor could no longer do anything about it. I needed to let him go, it was much said, he was with me ever since I graduated school and now he is gone. It was correct to put him down though since I would not want him to suffer any more.” Fox was also there at the launch of the web page – http://www.weimaranerproblems.com/weimaraner-issues/.

Death can come unexpectedly, but it could also come as a negative effect of long-suffered diseases or of old age. No matter what leads to the death of a beloved pet, it doesn’t not take away how painful it may be. Even if it wasn’t the perfect pet, for example you can have a dog with weimaraner issues or it is possible to have a turtle that snaps every now and then, there can still be some genuine affection there.

A crucial part of handling the loss of a pet is saying goodbye. Goodbyes can occur correct before the pet has to be buried, it also can happen before a creature has to be put down. This may well not seem like a lot, but it does present closure. If you’ve children and you are worried how to deal with their pet’s death, weigh your choices. Is it advantageous for yourself to tell your kids that their pet has died or should you make up a story as a substitute? Older young children, even children as young as 5 can cope with a house pet’s death this way.

You may have a small ceremony with yourself and your kid(s) even when it is now a small event in your backyard. Have the kids write something down, something to say about who the pet was to the, you can say a few things to. This can offer you a feel of closure and can make it easier for the people involved to handle their grief.
 
Death is a fact and house pets will die, be it a dog, a rabbit, some mice, a hamster, a frog, but that doesn’t mean that you need to close yourself off from ever having pets. It is a normal part of life, its change and the fondness yourself feel for your pet, even though they have been very difficult with weimaraner issues, or whatever is likely to change your life.  

Sources:

To learn more about weimaraner issues, click on this http://www.weimaranerproblems.com/weimaraner-issues/ to get more information.

Jones Spores is a multi-awarded writer of various articles and different press releases. he has uplifted honesty in his work, may it be a product to sell or a service to be rendered. He reveals the truth in every product so people may know of it.